The Long Way Home

The Second Year
August 26, 2012, 10:11 AM
Filed under: Pennsylvania | Tags: , , ,

in the walled garden, mellon park

Words fail me this summer. I read a lot  though (mainly Scandinavian mysteries) and copy-edit; in between obsessing over hyphenated words and slashing adjectives I’m instant film obsessed. Shooting with instant film makes me a more deliberate, careful photographer: I think about composition, framing. I edit the photos in my head before they develop. I am more aware of temperature, in subtle shifts of light. I am becoming more patient, not only in film, but what’s around me. The second year of grief has been difficult, but in a different way. The pain that felt permanent inside my chest has settled into something else: the acceptance that my mother is gone. I knew this intellectually last year, but it’s difficult for the heart to catch up  to death’s finality. I get anxiety when I think about this, and it’s confusing to those around me who may think that I should be “over” this, whose words of comfort may fail them as well. It’s also surreal, that someone you have known your entire life is just one day no longer here. There are also moments of intense joy – the ones that made me feel guilty last year, in the wake of her death, but now I see as gifts after a long hard year – ones that I like to believe are from my mother.

liz on her wedding shower day

a view from under the bridge, gateway clipper

wedding tradition: the pittsburgh cookie table

my dream room, full of books and natural light

in the ivy


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