The Long Way Home


A House By the River
October 24, 2012, 8:49 PM
Filed under: Pennsylvania | Tags: , , , , ,

*

October began with a dream about my mother: my sister braids my hair, a tightly knitted plait coiled around my head. Our mother reaches out to touch it, the braid unravels. You ruin everything, I say, and I wake feeling guilty. I look up the meaning of ‘braids’ in dreams and it means ‘organization,’ ‘to plan,’ something that I’m often teased about by those who know me – I like to have things in their places. In grief, this isn’t possible. The first year, I realize, was like slipping into a fog, and now I’m slowly drifting out of it. I remember things. I can focus. I am more conscientious of those around me, listening to their pain. There are times I cry for no reason, and then accept that this is just how it is, for now. A few weekends ago, we celebrated my youngest nephew’s ninth birthday. I was in the delivery room the day he was born, a big healthy pink baby sliding into the world; years later, he takes Jeff, his uncle Mike and me into the woods to show us his clubhouse  by the river. It’s a warm October night; there are twigs snapping underfoot, the smell of damp leaves, a house that could be haunted. I laugh when they tell me about river rats as large as cats. I forget I am afraid of the dark.

*

*

Advertisements

12 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hi Lisa, I think that’s so true what you’ve written about grief… how unpredictable and disorganized it feels. How it comes up from seemingly nowhere. As usual, your writing is so beautiful and inspiring.

Like

Comment by farmhouse stories

Hi Cait, thanks for reading. It means a lot, especially at times when I know the world is still turning and there are those moments that I describe in this post. I have to sort it out somehow and writing helps.

Like

Comment by Lisa

:>) That’s my baby she’s talking about!

Like

Comment by Kristy

Aw, it’s nice to see your comment here – I love your kids so much!

Like

Comment by Lisa

As you emerge from the fog, a birth memory and your motifs of curtains and stairs–powerful stuff to be sure. Love the photo of Gino’s restaurant–probably a good place for breakfast. Many thanks, M

Like

Comment by Michael Williamson

Thanks, Michael, that’s so nice to read – I haven’t been to Gino’s, but I have some time off around Christmas and that maybe be one place I stop for breakfast!

Like

Comment by Lisa

Sigh. Just lovely and melancholy and wonderful.

Like

Comment by motherblue212

This time of year does give me a sense of nostalgia – looking back and winding down the year. Thanks, kimmy!

Like

Comment by Lisa

I am in exactly the same moment. I completely understand.

Like

Comment by motherblue212

🙂

Like

Comment by Lisa

This part about CJ made me cry – in a good way.

Like

Comment by Jeff

It’s amazing to watch them grow up.

Like

Comment by Lisa




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: