The Long Way Home

Funny Face
March 27, 2011, 10:04 AM
Filed under: Pennsylvania | Tags: , , , ,



At the beginning of this month, I met up with friends for dinners and  brunches, worked on some photos. Caught up writing thank-you’s for the funeral, writing in my journal. Now it’s quiet. Friends who have also lost loved ones warned me this would happen – a flood of condolences. Then life goes on — the part that’s hard for me. I don’t feel depressed. It’s just hard for me to  listen to others’ problems with this heavy weight in my mind. It’s difficult being fully ‘Lisa’ right now. This period in my life is the most surreal I have ever known. Even with all the tears, there has been a lot of laughter too. How is this possible. But it is – side-splitting laughter over the dumbest things. Jeff and I singing our own lyrics to familiar songs. My sister making “ugly face.” Life is absurd, sometimes in beautiful,unexpected ways. Nobody makes me laugh like those two and I need the small things now more than ever.




6 Comments so far
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Only a sister can be that funny!

When my father was dying of cancer, I’d take long walks in the dark, and every once and a while I’d realize I was actually happy. It seemed so weird, and a bit disloyal, but I knew in my heart he wanted me to be happy, and not so mournful.

Yes, it is surreal, but even weirder is the knowledge that you will get past that part of it.

Keep laughing.



Comment by thevintagetraveler

Thank you for sharing this. I read this last week and thought about it during the week too. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say, but it means a lot when people reach out and share their stories. I am trying to find a way to connect with my mother after her death. Her photos help. Each one is like having a conversation with her, in some way.


Comment by Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I haven’t commented thus far, because I just wasn’t sure what to say. I lost my dad a few years ago, although under very different circumstances (I hadn’t had a relationship with him for years, and before that it was pretty dramatically fraught). Regardless of the circumstances, though, I know that lost, empty feeling, and the shock of regular life happening around you when it seems so wrong and bizarre that anything will be “regular” again.

I have been following your heartbreaking posts, though, and feel for you. I know it’s hard, unthinkable. But, time does really help. I wish there was something else that would, too.

I’m thinking of you.


Comment by Ehrrin

Thank you for reaching out to write, it means a lot. Your comment made me cry (not in a bad way), because it was so touching. It made me feel less alone after reading it. It makes me feel less alone knowing that others know what this feels like, even if the experience isn’t exactly the same. Hugs.


Comment by Lisa

The silence afterwards is sometimes deafening… And reoccurring. You are doing a wonderful job with “getting on” with things ( if there is such a thing). I have had a few sneak attacks of grief as of late. Quite unexpected. Just know people are there for you, life is for laughter and that you are indeed living life out loud with no regrets.


Comment by Kim

thank you for your kind words and your support. i just really need to hear that i’m going to be ‘okay’ sometimes.


Comment by Lisa

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